


Vanilla

by Bronzi



Category: Original Work
Genre: Best Friends, Boys Bonding, Gen, Humor, Vanilla, a kinky boi trying to write vanilla smut, its my first post on this site hooray, over writing porn, smut writing, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 12:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10966956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bronzi/pseuds/Bronzi
Summary: When your best friend comes to you with his problems and his problems include trying (and miserably failing) to write a vanilla sex scene.





	Vanilla

**Author's Note:**

> It's a short thing i wrote a while ago

“Eli?”

I turned to my best friend.

“‘Sup?”

“So, like, what is vanilla sex and how do you write it?”

“Uh, vanilla sex is like,” I fought the blush creeping up my neck, “Normal sex. You get the oral, the penetrative, the foreplay, all that.”

“Oh so it’s like normal sex, then.”

“It _is_ normal sex, Mark.”

“So what about the kinks?”

“Vanilla sex is sex without kinks, dude.” i deadpanned. He looked confused and horrified.

“No kinks?”

“Yup.”

“What?”

“I know. Shocking.”

“No, Eli, i don’t understand.”

“Just write Oral sex.” I said, rolling my eyes. He shrugged and started typing as i went back to my book.

 

A little while later, he shoved his computer in my lap. “Like that?”

I read it over. “Good start, now take out the dialogue and replace it with something more generic, and no finger sucking, what the fuck.”

He whined. “But it’s so tempting.”

“It’s a challenge.” I said, handing him the computer again.

 

“Ok, like this?”

“Mark, no calling the guy a whore.”

“But-!”

“I know it’s your thing but seriously.”

“But he likes it!”

“It’s not vanilla Mark!”

He made a frustrated noise and went back to typing.

 

“Is this better?”

I read over the boring, generic porn. “It’s perfect.”

“That was not fun.”

“Maybe you should talk to somebody else? I mean, someone i dunno, less kinky than us?”

He glanced at me. “How are you kinky?”

I grinned slyly. “You don’t want to know.”

“Yeah i do!” he said, bouncing in his excitement. I suppressed a giggle.

“Well, i’ll tell you after you finish this mess.” i said, gesturing to the computer. He huffed.

“Fine. who should i talk to?” I shrugged.

“Try Alex maybe? He’s pretty vanilla i think.”

Mark considered. “Aight.”

 

“So alex almost stabbed me.”

I laughed. “Well, did he give you any tips?”

“No!” Mark sat down next to me dejectedly, “He said i would burn in hell for writing that! What does that even mean?!”

I laughed at Mark’s lack of Catholic knowledge, despite the many times Alex and Brandi have tried to explain it to him. “It means he thinks you’re a slut.”

“I’m not a slut…” he mumbled. I snickered.

“Anyway. Who else could you ask? Oh, Warren’s probably-” I was cut off by a snort from Mark.

“Warren is the opposite of Vanilla.”

“And you would know this how?”

“I’ve slept with him several times. Duh.”

My eyebrows nearly flew off my face. “What?”

“Yeah. He’s a total sub and he likes cuddles. I don’t think he’s ever had vanilla sex- oh, unless handjobs count?”

I tried to think about the question posed, but my brain was still too caught up in the fact that _Mark and Warren slept together. Mark, as in my best friend Mark, and Warren as in my girlfriend’s sister’s boyfriend, and my future brother-in-law if all goes well. Have slept together. RepeatEDLY._

“Why were you sleeping together?” I asked, cutting off Mark’s rambling about the possiblity of hanjobs fitting into a kink category.

“What? Who, me and Warren? Uh. Well, i mean….. Oh, Time, how did we get together…” He trailed off, thinking hard.

“You can’t remember how you two got together?” i asked incredulously. Actually, if they were sleeping together, that would explain Mark’s reaction to being reunited with him. And the fact that he basically ignored me for two whole days. (I can’t help that i am a needy person. I’ve only had like, three people around my whole life until Mark.)

“Oh, it was when we went on that school field trip to the hot springs!” And that sounds like it came straight out of a manga.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, me and Warren were rooming together, and he got a boner, and i got curious. And it stuck.” He had this sheepish grin like he felt he should be sorry but really wasn’t.

“.... and how long was this going on?” i asked.

“From about 6th grade till he left like an asshat to join the young army. Which was like… 8th grade.” Mark frowned. “So it was only two years. Aww, it felt like much longer, especially when Casper got involved.”

I flinched so hard I fell off the bed.


End file.
